Halloween is past and now it’s the most wonderful time of the year — big sales on trick or treat candy.

What did you think I was going to say?

Sure stores have been selling Christmas stuff since July, and by October, EVERYTHING comes in pumpkin spice variety. If we still had to lick postage stamps, the adhesive would be pumpkin spice-flavored this time of year.

Pumpkin-shaped peanut butter cups make a whole lot more sense than ANYTHING labeled “pumpkin spice.”

That’s why this is the most wonderful time of the year — every Nov. 1, big bags of chocolate go on sale for 50% off. It might be shaped like a bat, but it’s chocolate.

If it’s a bag of “fun-sized” candy bars (a nasty trick), you probably need about 20 of them monster-mashed together to make up a real-sized treat, but it’s chocolate.

“Fun”-sized or bat-shaped, chocolate always came as a welcome relief. As boys, we spent all summer weeding, picking and choking down the never-ending green beans exploding in the garden. Pick a bean plant clean, and two days later, Mom had us sulking down the same garden row, filling yet another basket full of the stuff.

And just when the green beans finally began to sputter, the zucchini showed up. And the zucchini puffed out its chest and boasted to the green beans, “You think you’re such hot-shot, garden blasters? Watch this! We put the ‘pro’ in ‘produce.'”

And BAM, the garden — and every front porch in a 20-mile radius — overflowed with zucchini. In fact, every house that dropped so-called fun-size candy bars in our trick or treat bags woke up to a couple of sacks of zucchini at their front door the next morning.

Other favorite holidays of mine include Feb. 15 (heart-shaped chocolates), chocolate rabbit ears the day after Easter, and the Christmas fudge sales on Dec. 26.

No, wait, Dec. 26 is when wrapping paper and Christmas cards go on sale. That’s important, too — as long as in another 360 days or so, you can remember where you stashed your discounted treasures.

Otherwise, you end up running out to buy emergency wrapping paper and cards at full price. It’s way less satisfying than chocolate and caramel. Also, the Christmas tree-shaped peanut butter cups are still full price.

Basically, America runs on chocolate. Some would say coffee, but since I don’t drink the stuff (if only it tasted as good as it smells), I’m sticking with chocolate — as long as no one spikes it with pumpkin spice. Or zucchini.

Think I’m kidding? Take a taste of this sampler pack of days dedicated to our sweet teeth (and this is just a fun-sized list of the whole thing):

• Feb. 1, Decorating with Candy Day

• Feb. 2, National Heavenly Hash Day (I suspect it’s also Eat your Decorations Day, maybe as toppings for your heavenly hash ice cream)

• Feb. 11, National Peppermint Patty Day

• Feb. 23, National Tootsie Roll Day

• Feb. 25, National Chocolate-Covered Nut Day

• March 8, National Peanut Cluster Day

• March 14, White Day (you must give three times the amount of candy you received last month for Valentine’s Day)

• April 18, National Pinata Day (for the fitness-minded candy lovers, this combines exercise with treats)

• June 1, National Candy Month (shouldn’t that be every month?)

• Oct. 13, National M&Ms Day

• Oct. 30, National Candy Corn Day