Burton Cole

Snow and ice shut down roads, county offices and Taco Bell.

The dire predictions of snow and ice piled up much higher than the actual snow and ice, but still, it was sufficient to keep us tucked away in our homes.

I used to dream about days like this when I was a kid. Growing up in the snowbelt, we’d get blasted with enough white stuff to close the schools because it was too dangerous for kids to be outside.

We whooped and hollered and ran around the house until Mom slammed coats, boots, gloves and hats into our chests, and chased us outside.

Then we rode sleds off the chicken coop roof (we couldn’t find a ladder long enough to get us onto the barn roof), dug networks of tunnels and caves through the snowdrifts, built snow ducks and other creatures, and pelted each other with snowballs.

It was glorious.

I am now in my mid-60s. These days, I’m likely to pull a muscle just breathing too hard. I’m not sledding off anything — not on purpose, anyway. I skate plenty out there, but I don’t mean to. Plus, I’m not wearing skates. I just have a knack for finding the ice hidden beneath the snow.

A guy who’s 65 doesn’t bounce like he used to when he was 6 or 16. I’d love to shovel the walk, but obviously, it’s best if guys my age stay safely inside.

Besides, haven’t I wanted a few days at home to tackle some of these projects?

Let’s see now, I need to… no, let’s not do that today. I could… naw, not feelin’ it. How about… nope. I think I need to visit the hardware store first, and as established a few paragraphs ago, it’s not prudent for geezers to be tromping about the drifts where the sidewalks used to be.

Besides, the hardware store closed like every other business. I think they put a sign in the window that said, “You should have thought about that snow blower in September.”

Now what? Am I just going to sit in my chair all day reading my old Archie comic books and sipping hot chocolate?

Of course not. I have some old Donald Ducks as well. And I can crawl under the covers and read in bed. And I might sip root beer instead of hot chocolate, especially if I turn on the mattress warmer.

Or now would be a good time to do some baking. I already bought the butter, brown sugar, flour and baking soda. Those cookies are all but baked.

Then again, I could just snip open the bag of chocolate chips and eat them straight from the bag. That would be more efficient.

I keep wishing that I had time to work on my taxes. But first, I need time to sort through the records, the receipts and my spreadsheets.

Oh, yeah, the spreadsheets. I’ve been wanting time to finish filling them in so that I’d be ready to work on my taxes.

I shoved all that stuff right over here and… Oh, look! It’s my DVD set “The Wild, Wild West.” I think I was the 1966 season when I left off because I didn’t have time to sit and binge.

And biff, bam, pow! There’s the 1966 season of the old Batman TV show. When I watched that in original run, I didn’t realize it was a comedy. I really need to sit and enjoy that.

No, no, taxes — I need to work on my taxes.

Or I could finally install that new toilet paper holder in the bathroom. It’s been sitting there in its original packaging for a year. I’ll look for the screwdriver and drill and do that — right after I finish a couple more hands of computer solitaire.

Huh? A news bulletin popped onto my screen. The winter storm watch is over? The roads are cleared? We all return to work tomorrow?

Nuts! How come I never get to do anything that I want to do? I’m going outside to build a snow fort so nobody can find me. If they do, they better have snowballs ready.

But first, a nap.

Wake Cole at burton.w.cole@gmail.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook. Or come shovel his walk. He might bake cookies yet.