The great philosopher Tim Hawkins once said, “If (my wife) ever leaves me, I’m going with her.” Outside of other people’s politics, there’s nothing that baffles and befuddles us more than love. As another Valentine’s Day is about to befall in a flurry of bouquets, chocolates, ...

Editor’s note: Burt is experiencing a head cold malfunction. While he’s busy coughing and sneezing, we present the Cole Classic from Feb. 8, 2004, written right after the infamous “wardrobe malfunction” Super Bowl and not too far removed from the “hanging chad” presidential ...

I am one degree off normal. Eighth-grade biology class taught me that normal body temperature for humans is 98.6 degrees. That’s 37 degrees in dog years, er, Celsius. But my cold-hearted body generally percolates at 97.4 degrees (or 36.33 1/3 rpms). Or even all the way up to 97.6 — one ...

According to the fine folks at CouponBirds, $13,510 is the “financial fidelity” threshold for how much one partner can secretly spend before the other half squawks. I chewed on that information while swallowing the receipt for a large chocolate milkshake. I’d be in a heap of trouble if ...

I’ve reached the age at which I no longer can eat whatever I want. It’s like being a kid again but without the bowl of Alpha-Bits and Saturday morning cartoons. I realized this as I gagged down a mess of beets. For my blood pressure. Followed by a pinch-my-nose glass of cranberry juice. ...

“But why do I want my mind all full of — what’s it called — ness?” “Not ‘ness,’” the guru, losing his cool, snapped at me. “I said ‘mindfulness’! One word. It means being in the moment, acknowledging all your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations. Calmly. CALMLY, ...