Not to be a “Murphy’s Law” fanatic or anything, but have you ever noticed that there are certain things in life you can always count on … and that aren’t necessarily super fun and wonderful?

For instance, I am one of those folks who perpetually chooses the wrong drive-up line at the bank. Seriously. Like clockwork.

Then there’s the express line at the supermarket. Without fail, I am the one who will wind up behind the guy (or gal) who decided to defy the laws of the land and slip in an extra, say, I don’t know, 28 items? Hmpf.

Why is it that certain folks just won’t stick to the rules, no matter the circumstances?

Consider it, there’s always the person driving 85 mph in the zone where 55 mph is the speed limit.

BT dubs, why is he / she doing that? It perplexes me every time I see it which is, lets face it, most days of the week that end in a “y.” What’s that all about, anyway? Sigh.

Then there are the speedsters who 1,000 percent have to get ahead of you in traffic. Why is this, exactly? So that they can arrive 10 seconds earlier than the rest of those traveling to the same destination? Perhaps. But it seems rather counter-productive to me.

I guess I just don’t understand the average driver’s “need for speed,” as they would say in “Top Gun.” Well, the original anyway, I’ve yet to see the second installment.

Wondering why? Well, actually, for several reasons.

1: Tom Cruise is no longer one of my favorite persons. Maybe it’s all the Scientology? Maybe it’s that huge toothy grin he’s always flashing, featuring his perfectly whitened and seemingly plentiful set of choppers? Either way, he’s moved down my list of preferred peeps quite considerably in the past several years or so.

2: No Goose? No interest. At least not for me, anyhow. Not only am I a humongous Anthony Edwards fan (I literally cry every time I watch the original and his character bites the dust) but it’s also that I simply do not appreciate the elimination of so central a character for no specific reason, as it were. Yes, yes, I do realize it was plot-driven but it really irked me. He was my favorite character in the movie. Still is, frankly.

3: That dude from “Mad Men” is just not my “cup of tea.” Sorry, John Hamm!

4: The snubbing of Kelly McGillis and Meg Ryan. Not cool, studio head honchos. Not cool.

5: Going to the movies today is more expensive than purchasing a second home. Okay, not that expensive, but pricey nonetheless. Especially if I’m going to indulge in my favorite movie compatriots: diet cola and Sno-Caps!

Nah, I’ll just wait for it to show up on Hulu or Netflix and maybe catch it then.

What? Literally everything is on Hulu or Netflix these days. If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’, my good peeps!

Kimerer is a columnist who’s no longer enthralled with Tom Cruise. Send your sentiments exactly to pkimerer@zoominternet.net.