I got a new iPhone last week.

I was pretty excited for about a minute. Then I remembered I’m not a millennial. What’s worse, I’m a Generation X-er who’s not tech savvy but thinks she is.

I thought I had the setup all under control. I downloaded all my photos from the iCloud. I transferred all my apps. I entered all my passwords into the new device. I scanned my face for facial recognition. (And before you even say it, yes, I know, I shouldn’t have done that. As my husband quickly pointed out, now all the hackers know what I look like.)

I rolled my eyes. He’s the last person who should be giving tech advice. This is the guy who finds it challenging to set up a group text.

But I digress.

I thought the new iPhone was all ready and good to go. Then, suddenly, they rang. Yes, plural. An incoming call rang on both phones. It was as if the old phone had been cloned. The ring tones were identical and in unison. Soon, dual texts started coming in.

Well, that’s dumb, I thought to myself. And here, I thought these phones were supposed to be smart.

I still haven’t figured it out, but I refuse to wave the white flag yet. I will sort this out. Until then, though, I’ve resorted to just carrying both phones around with me. My kids say I look like a drug dealer.

Who knew? If that’s all it takes to distinguish a drug dealer, drug task force officers should be able to zone in pretty quickly on the dealers with ease.

I had no idea cellphones could be so convenient for law enforcement efforts.

Coincidentally, this whole dilemma was unfolding around the same time some national media organizations were reporting about the Biden administration’s efforts to track undocumented immigrants who have entered the country illegally by giving them — wait for it — smartphones.

The issue first came to light last week when U.S. Sen. Josh Hawley, R-Missouri, sent a letter to Alejandro Mayorkas, secretary of Homeland Security, questioning, among other things, whether the Department of Homeland Security was planning “to provide illegal aliens with free phones.” The letter stated, “What is the justification for doing so?” and “If cellphones are being provided to illegal aliens, what controls are in place to ensure taxpayer dollars do not go to waste?”

It’s unclear whether or how the secretary of the DHS responded to Hawley’s letter, but national media reports indicate that White House press secretary Jen Psaki didn’t deny the controversial issue at her daily press briefing Wednesday. She instead told reporters that smartphones can be used to help immigration officials provide electronic monitoring of the border crossers and allow U.S. officials to “check in” with them as they await immigration court proceedings.

That sounded so far-fetched, I had to see it for myself. So, I looked up the video of the April 6 White House press briefing and watched the video.

“We need to take steps to ensure that we know where individuals are and we can track and we can check in with them,” Psaki said. She added that through the provided smartphones, federal authorities can use voice recognition and / or facial recognition along with GPS tracking to identify someone’s location.

Well, then. That makes perfect sense.

In fact, maybe we also should give smartphones to every person on probation in America or those awaiting trial in Ohio so we can keep track of them.

Seriously, it’s unclear how many phones are being distributed or how much it’s costing the taxpayers.

Trust me, though, smartphones are not inexpensive. No matter how many we are talking about, one must ask, is this really the best use of our tax dollars?

It certainly seems to me there might be better ways of electronically tracking people who have crossed our southern border illegally in order to ensure that they appear at scheduled legal proceedings.

Then again, what do I know? I’m still trying to get my old iPhone to stop ringing.

blinert@tribtoday.com